STOP Arguing… How?

THE CHALLENGE:

Are you and your spouse unable to discuss things calmly?

Does it feel like you are walking through a minefield that at any time you could set off an explosive dispute?

BE ASSURED… THINGS CAN IMPROVE!

Why does it happen?

1. Misunderstandings:  Sometimes things don’t come out as intended.

2.  Poor Role Models:  Sometimes in our own marriage, we model how our parents used to treat each other when we were growing up.  Sometimes we will find ourselves making disrespectful comments like to the role models we were raised around.

3.  Deeper concerns:  Sometimes our fights are about something deeper than that which started the argument.  Dig Deeper and

HOW CAN WE STOP IT?

Can you identify underlying issues that fuel the fights?  When things are calm, try the following exercises with your spouse:

1. On paper- write down the topic of the argument…

2. With an open mind, discuss the following:

Was the matter really serious?

Could it have been overlooked?

For the sake of peace, it may suffice to agree to disagree and cover over the matter with love.

If the matter is trivial, can we apologize to each other and consider it settled?

or if it is a serious matter-

3.   Write down how you felt during the argument, and have your spouse do the same.

4.  Swap papers with your spouse, ad read each others comments.  What was the deeper concern from your mate during the argument.  discuss what you could have done differently to address the underlying issues without arguing.

5. Discuss what you learned from this exercise, how can you use what you learned when you were calmly discussing things that would help you solve or avoid an argument in the future.

STRONG FAMILIES MAKE STRONG COMMUNITIES!

Written by:  Rachel Haponenko

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